


Too Much Ketchup, Too Little Gin

by imogene_lovelace



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Genre: Drabble, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-15
Updated: 2007-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29134521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imogene_lovelace/pseuds/imogene_lovelace
Summary: Ford is feeling left out.
Relationships: Arthur Dent/Fenchurch/Ford Prefect
Kudos: 2





	Too Much Ketchup, Too Little Gin

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for fanaticalone as part of wishkisses on livejournal.

_The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ has this to say on the subject of kissing: _Why it is that a large percentage of intelligent species in the galaxy find mashing their food-intake orifices together to be a highly pleasurable experience is a matter of considerable debate among sociologists, philosophers, and talk-show hosts. Nevertheless, the fact remains that on many worlds, kissing is a primary form of recreation, but the traveler should be cautious when approaching locals. For example, on Pleiades Delta it is considered an invitation to duel._

Arthur and Fenchurch had not read this particular entry, and even if they had, it is doubtful that it would have affected their enjoyment of the practice (and of mashing other orifices together as well) for the duration of their time in the cargo hold. In fact, they were so taken with it that Ford was usually left alone with nothing to do besides carving naughty words into the bulkhead with a screwdriver. 

"Look," said Ford, as the happy couple attempted to seclude themselves behind a box of condiments, "either you're going to have to teach me very rude insults in several new languages, or you'll have to let me in on the fun." 

"What?" said Fenchurch. 

"Are you making a pass at my girlfriend?" asked Arthur. 

"Well, either her or you," said Ford. "I'm sufficiently bored that it really doesn't matter anymore. Did you know that this ship is carrying twelve varieties of ketchup but not a single case of alcohol?" 

"It's either both of us or nothing," said Fenchurch. 

Arthur was still looking back and forth between her and Ford and stammering when Ford kissed him. 

"Well," Arthur said after a moment, "it's too bad we don't have a Dire Straits record, but I suppose we'll have to make do."


End file.
